We'll Have Hamburgers For the Holidays
by Sleepytiger541
Summary: A Calvin and Hobbes short story collection. Basically, it's a bunch of short(well, not always, my first one has two parts.) stories, one for each major holiday. I hope you like it. VALENTINE'S STORY DONE!
1. A Very Calviny Christmas part I

This is the first part of my latest fan fiction. I'm going to write a story for every major holiday, like Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter. It's going to start with Christmas and end with Thanksgiving of the next year. Yeah, I know that right now it's closer to Thanksgiving than Christmas, but I already have a story imagined for Christmas, and not Thanksgiving. Anyway, I hope to make lesser mistakes than I did in the process of beginning _Mission Sugar Rush_ (I'm really sorry for the delay on that, but I'm having some writer's block on what should happen next.) I hope you enjoy this and all my other stories to come, because I certainly enjoy writing them. Now, on with my story!

_Sleepytiger541_

The snow gently fell outdoors as Susie Derkins followed her old footprints to the clearing where she had made her snowman. It was at the base of the a tall hill, and she knew it wasn't wise to build it there, because Calvin might come out and terrorize her, but as far as she knew, he wasn't out today and there was something peaceful about the clearing that attracted her.

The clearing was surrounded by beautiful evergreens, whose stunning green branches were covered with powdery snow. This alone made the whole place feel so Christmasy. Christmas! It was only in a week, and Susie had been good all year. She hoped that she got the Sweet Sparkly Princess Doll, which was on every girl's list. Susie closed her eyes and tried to imagine the doll, which came with three sparkly pastel dresses and nearly thirty other accessories.

Now she was there, in the clearing with her snowman. It was probably the best she had ever done. The snowman wasn't just a snowman, but a Santa snowman, which was sitting beside a snow bag of snow toys. To the left of the snow Santa were three snow reindeer, sitting on the ground, with sticks for antlers and a pretty red and green ribbon tied around each ones' neck. Susie was intending to take a picture of the snow figures and enter it in Mrs. Wormwood's annual snow sculpture contest. The winner got a shiny ribbon with a picture of a snowman on it. Susie had worked a long time on her snow Santa Claus and reindeer, and she was sure she would win. _Just one more award, and I can start a new award album,_ she thought pleasantly. She had kept an album of awards and good report cards since she was in preschool and it was full except for one page.

Susie just needed to put a few finishing touches on her sculpture and it was a shoe-in for first prize. As she approached the Santa, to sprinkle some silver glitter on his snowy beard, she noticed that the snow behind him was packed down looked disturbed. It had been flattened into a path. _Did I do that?_ She thought. She must have. Susie looked around, and there was no sign that anyone else had been in this area. She took the vial of glitter out of her coat pocket and twisted off the top. She looked around once more, to make sure that no one was watching her and pinched some glitter out of the vial. Then, with extreme precision, Susie moved her hand toward the snow beard, not wanting to spill any on the Santa's body. _Easy...easy..._ Susie told herself.

POW! A gloved hand shot out of the snow beard. Susie screamed and jerked her arm back, spilling the entire container of glitter in her hair. She watched in horror as her snow Santa that she had worked so hard on began to crack apart. Then suddenly, all the snow fell away, and she saw who it was, shaking the snow out of his hair. Calvin!

"Surprise, surprise, Susie!" he yelled, producing a squirt gun full of icy water! "Nice job covering the tracks, Hobbes!" said Calvin, as the snow bag of toys broke open, and a stuffed tiger flopped out. "I hope you like snow, Susie, because after I'm through with you, you'll be a Popsicle!" She turned to run away, and felt freezing water soak through the back of her jacket and onto her skin. Fueled by the sudden cold, Susie ran through the woods screaming, all the way back to her home. "You just wait, Calvin!" she yelled over her shoulder. "I'm gonna tell Santa on you!"

"You won't get away!" said Calvin, swinging his leg over the snow deer. "Hi, ho, Silver, away!" he commanded, as the snow deer collapsed from under him

"That was sweet!" Calvin guffawed, raising his hand so Hobbes could give him a high-five.

Hobbes sat up with snow in his mouth, after trying to consume one of the snow reindeer. "Yeah," he said jokingly. "But I can't say much about the taste of this antelope. It could use some steak sauce."

Later, Calvin and Hobbes sat in front of the TV, watching a Christmas special and recounting their successful mission. "A-an then," he laughed. "W-when I p-popped out of the snowman, and there was all that stupid girly glitter in her hair?"

"Uh-huh," said Hobbes, solemnly sipping at his hot chocolate. The prank was fun, although mean, but he couldn't seem to shake what Susie had said. The words still hung in his mind: _You just wait, Calvin! I'm gonna tell Santa on you! _ "Um, Calvin? Is Susie really going to tell Santa on us?"

"What?" said Calvin. "You have to be kidding, right? There's no way that Derkins is going to go out of her way to tell Santa on us. Her parents are too cheap to travel that far. Remember when they wouldn't buy my giant snowballs?"

"You mean the giant snowballs you were actually going to throw at her when she answered the door?" said Hobbes.

"Trust me," Calvin explained. "Susie Derkins traveling all the way to the North Pole, just to say, 'Mr. Santa Claus, Calvin scared me!' is absolute drivel. Besides, even if Santa knows what we did, we've more than made up for it in all the good things that we've done in the past, OK?"

"Uh..." Hobbes stuttered, remembering past incidents, like the Rubber Cement Incident, The Toilet Incident, and the Food Processor Incident.

"It's OK, Hobbes! Look, if you don't believe me, we'll go over there right now and look to see if they've booked a flight or something," Calvin said, tossing Hobbes his scarf. "Maybe THIS will show you how smart human beings are." Calvin buttoned his jacket and put on his snow hat. "Going to the North Pole! Crazy!" he muttered under his breath as they headed out the door.

The short walk to Susie's house would've been quiet, except for Calvin constantly saying how humans were indeed the dominant species and only a tiger would be capable of blowing an empty threat out of proportions. "Here we go," Calvin said when they finally reached the bush that they hid in for spying on Susie. To his surprise, Susie's car was out in her driveway. Her dad, wearing a big fuzzy hat with earflaps on the side was leaning on the hood of the station wagon.

"Come on, you two!" he called cheerfully to his wife and Susie, who were coming down the steps with a big duffel bag. "If we're going to make it to the North Pole, we need to hurry. We've got a long way to travel, you know."

The two spies' eyes grew wide with fear. "See, I told you!" hissed Hobbes. "Susie is going all the way to the North Pole to rat on us, and all we're getting is coal! I can't believe it! The first time I actually participate in one of your sick jokes, and I'm not getting any presents for it!"

"I can't believe it," murmured Calvin. "I...I was wrong for once!"

However, Calvin and Hobbes had greatly misinterpreted the situation. "The North Pole" was actually the name of a Christmas tree lot two towns away, run by Susie's uncle. He had the best trees for miles around, and being family, the Derkinses went every year to him for a Christmas tree. The big duffle bag was actually filled with bungee cords, so the tree could be hooked on top of the car.

Calvin and Hobbes, of course, zoomed home as fast as they could. Hobbes sat on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "My tuna. My new squirt gun. My coloring books. My glow-in-the-dark yo-yo. All gone! Just because of one stupid prank! My perfect feline behavior record has been spoiled!" Hobbes began to hit himself in the forehead with the heel of his hand, chanting "Stupid, stupid, stupid...."

"Will you quit your bellyaching!" said Calvin, who had been pacing the floor so long he would have probably worn a hole in it. "I'm a genius, remember? We'll just think of a plan. Our problem is that we need to reach Santa and persuade him that we've been good enough to give us presents. And we have to reach him before Susie does. So, what can we do?"

"Why don't we write him another letter?"

"Are you nuts? During this time, the mail services are clogged with gift lists and Christmas cards. It'd take ages for him to get it, and Susie would have been there and back by the time he did! Geez, tigers are dumb."

Hobbes got up and grabbed Calvin by the shirt. "Look, you! Tigers are NOT dumb, OK? They're graceful, intelligent, and really good-looking. And if you say it again, I swear I will throw you out of that window SO hard, you will land in Susie's car when she's passing through Canada! Then you can go to the North Pole and stay there as an extremely short elf that cleans up after reindeer!"

A smile spread across Calvin's face. "I just thought of an idea. Why don't we just go to the North Pole our own selves?"

"What?" said Hobbes. "How do we do that? I mean, we can't walk, and we can't fly, and we can't even travel through the mail."

"Yeah, it's a shame too. That box was actually sort of comfortable. But you're wrong. We'll just fly there in the sled."

"But our sled isn't magic! We can't even get through the woods without crashing it."

"Yeah, but we can use my transmogrifier to make it fly!" Calvin was already diving into the closet, slinging toys left and right. Hobbes narrowly missed being hit by a baseball bat. Finally, he exited the closet carrying out a cardboard box marked "Transmogrifier" with a dial on the side and a permanent magic marker. "See?" he said, writing something on it with the marker. "I'm going to write 'Magic Flying Sled' on it. Then, we'll just put it over the sled and poof! It's magic! It can fly! And the best part is, if there's someone we don't like, we'll change them into magic flying sleds as well and sell them at the full blue book price!"

"What exactly is the blue book price for a flying sled?" Hobbes asked, curious.

"One million smackers."

"I should've known."

Calvin brought the sled in off of the front steps and put it underneath the box. "Here goes nothing," said Hobbes, pushing the button. The box made a strange noise, and Calvin lifted it. Purple smoke curled out from under it, and when it cleared away, the sled looked the same except for two comical cardboard wings fastened to it. The two stared at it in silence for a minute. Finally, Hobbes said, "We're supposed to fly on THAT thing?"

"Uh, well," said Calvin, smiling nervously, not wanting to admit that his invention screwed up. "This is obviously, um, a cloaking device. Yeah, that's it. And as soon as we hit the air, I'll just press the 'launch' button, and _zoom_! Rocket boosters will pop out of the back and, uh"-

"There _is_ no button," interrupted Hobbes, clearly not impressed.

"I just have to draw it on," Calvin explained. Hobbes noticed that several beads of sweat were forming on his forehead.

"Admit it. Your transmogrifier is broken, and we're not getting squat for Christmas."

"No!" said Calvin. "No, it's not! Just wait! We'll go and test it with a snowman. Then you'll see!"

"Are you sure?" said Hobbes, almost wanting to believe him.

"Positive. The transmogrifier has never let me down before! And it shouldn't, either! I made it! Go pack your bags! We're going to see Santa!"

Hobbes sighed. "OK. I just hope you're right. Or it won't be a very merry Christmas...for both of us!" They took the sled back outdoors.

A moment later, Calvin and Hobbes walked out of their room each carrying a suitcase.

"Are you positive that your mom doesn't mind us using the new briefcases that your Mom was getting your Dad for Christmas?" Hobbes asked.

"Trust me. It's A-OK," Calvin answered. Then, under his breath, he added, "as long as she doesn't know."

"What was that?"

"Nothing." By this time, they were almost to the front door.

"Why don't we leave your Mom a note or something? We're going a really long way, you know," Hobbes pointed out.

"Oh, I forgot." Calvin dashed back into the kitchen, where his Mom was busy completing an order form for Christmas cards. They had decided to just buy some with pictures of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on the front, rather than put Calvin's picture on the cards, for obvious reasons. Calvin could hardly believe it took them so long to realize they'd easily save $10.00 on film if they just gave up.

"Are you going back out in the snow again?" his mother observed, staring at the layers of clothing he was wearing. "I think you have too much on."

Calvin said very rapidly, "Mom, Hobbes and I have decided to take a trip to the North Pole for real this time to beat Susie to it so that way we can convince him to give us presents instead of taking them all away because of a harmless practical joke that Susie misinterpreted. Bye, bye, I love you, be back before Christmas." He popped back into the hall and reunited with Hobbes at the door. "Hurry up before she figures out what I told her!" He grabbed Hobbes's paw and pulled him outdoors.

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO!

COMING SOON!


	2. A Very Calviny Christmas part II

Author's Note: I'm really sorry for the delay on this, but I've had some computer troubles recently and wasn't able to write the second chapter. I apologize for any: (choose one) grief/anger/suicidal thoughts this may have caused. This may not be finished before Christmas due to the problems(which weren't my fault, by the way), but it's almost done.

Calvin led the way through the woods like a leader of a famous expedition. Hobbes, however, wasn't having a very good time. For one thing, he had to drag the sled and the suitcases through the freezing snow, which hid sharp pinecones and sticks. This made his legs sore and tired. Often, the suitcaseswould fall off the sled, and he wouldn't know it until he happened to look back. Then, they'd have to follow their tracks backward and find them.

Calvin was losing his patience. "Come on, Hobbes! Pick up the pace! We don't have all year!"

Hobbes sat down in the snow and panted. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one lugging all this junk!"

"Keep in mind that alot of that junk is your tuna! Look, we're almost there! It's not far!"

"Just what are we going to, anyway?" asked Hobbes.

"You'll see."

Hobbes sighed and grabbed the old rope tied to the front of the sled. They continued walking, until finally, they came to what looked like a bunch of tall evergreens that were so close together, they seemed to form a wall.Calvin stopped. "Is THIS it?" Hobbes asked, even more tired than he was before.

"No," said Calvin. Hobbes groaned.Calvinclawed his way through the trees, and so did Hobbes, manuevering the sled through the thick branches. "This is," Calvin said when they were on the other side.

Hobbes looked around. They were standing on what looked like a large cliff. "You made me walk all the way through the woods just to go to a stupid CLIFF?"

"It's not a cliff, Hobbes."

Hobbes glanced over the edge of the cliff and gasped. What they were standing on wasn't a cliff, but a huge and steep slope at the foot of a frozen pond. A rickety-looking ramp made out of a few planks of wood and some old, rusty nails stood at the end of the slope. How steep was the slope? Well, like this: A straight, vertical line is 90 degrees. The slope was probably 89 degrees.

The tiger stumbled backwards. Looking down was making him dizzy. He looked back to Calvin, who was, to his alarm, on the sled at the very edgeof the slope. "Well, come on, Hobbes. We're not going to get to the North Pole by flapping our arms, you know."

Hobbes shook his head. "If you think for one minute that I'm going to go down there, you can forget it. You've had some weird plans before, but this one can get us killed!"

"Don't you want to get presents?"

"I'd rather get coal than DIE!"

Calvin looked down at the sled. "Come on, Hobbes. I can't do this alone. And it's no different than going down any of the other hills in the woods. It'll be a blast!"

"Sure. Sure it will. Before that ramp can't hold the weight and sends us reeling into the icy pond, where we'll catch hypothermia!"

"No it won't! I built it. And besides, the rocket engines will kick in and the GPS system will send us toward the North Pole! We won't have to lift a finger!"

"No way." Hobbes crossed his arms and turned away.

Calvin didn't know what to do. He couldn't convince Santa Claus to give them presents without Hobbes. He had to think of something. Suddenly, he had it. "Stupid tigers!" he yelled.

Hobbes turned around. "What...did...I...tell you?"

"You heard me! Tigers are stupid. They have fleas and smell really bad. That's why lions are the kings of the jungle!" (Even though that was a lie, sort of, because lions don't live in the jungle; they live on the savannas. Sorry, I just had to type this in here.)

Hobbes got really mad. No, not mad. Infuriated. Livid! "That's it! You're going down!" Hobbes rushed toward Calvin, blinded by rage, and pounced at the sled. The sudden impact shoved the sled down the side of the hill.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" The screams echoed throughout the woods, scaring birds from their trees and small mammals out of hibernation. The world was a blur as they sped down the steep drop.

They were approaching the ramp. _Oh no, this is it. The ramp's gonna crumble under us and we'll fly to our doom. Man, I wish I had eaten more tuna._ Hobbes managed to close his eyes and he gripped the underside of the sled, preparing himself for the freezing cold water. One of his fingers accidentally tapped a small blue button that no one knew was there.

_Any minute now. We'll break straight through the ice. Spend the rest of our lives in the hospital. Get coal for Christmas, even though we went through all the trouble to do this._

"Hobbes! Hobbes!" a voice called. "Come look at this! Oh, man, is this awesome!"

_Am I in Heaven? Why does that little angel sound so much like Calvin? Why would he be here?_

"Hobbes! Look!"

Hobbes gulped and gingerly opened an eye. He was amazed at what he saw! They were flying above the town! They saw people Christmas shopping, and little kids playing in the street. Christmas music drifted into the air like a winter breeze.

"See, I told you that the rocket engines will kick in! And the GPS system will take us there in about a half hour! Now, aren't you glad you believed me?"

Hobbes looked down at the little town. He looked up at the purple winter sky. "Yeah," he said. "I sure am. Say, can we have some of that food we packed?"

"Sure, buddy," said Calvin, taking out a can of tuna and a sandwich.

STAY TUNED FOR p.3! The Final part!

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	3. A Very Calviny Christmas part III Final

This is the first part of my latest fan fiction. I'm going to write a story for every major holiday, like Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter. It's going to start with Christmas and end with Thanksgiving of the next year. Yeah, I know that right now it's closer to Thanksgiving than Christmas, but I already have a story imagined for Christmas, and not Thanksgiving. Anyway, I hope to make lesser mistakes than I did in the process of beginning _Mission Sugar Rush_ (I'm really sorry for the delay on that, but I'm having some writer's block on what should happen next.) I hope you enjoy this and all my other stories to come, because I certainly enjoy writing them. Now, on with my story!

_Sleepytiger541_

The snow gently fell outdoors as Susie Derkins followed her old footprints to the clearing where she had made her snowman. It was at the base of the a tall hill, and she knew it wasn't wise to build it there, because Calvin might come out and terrorize her, but as far as she knew, he wasn't out today and there was something peaceful about the clearing that attracted her.

The clearing was surrounded by beautiful evergreens, whose stunning green branches were covered with powdery snow. This alone made the whole place feel so Christmasy. Christmas! It was only in a week, and Susie had been good all year. She hoped that she got the Sweet Sparkly Princess Doll, which was on every girl's list. Susie closed her eyes and tried to imagine the doll, which came with three sparkly pastel dresses and nearly thirty other accessories.

Now she was there, in the clearing with her snowman. It was probably the best she had ever done. The snowman wasn't just a snowman, but a Santa snowman, which was sitting beside a snow bag of snow toys. To the left of the snow Santa were three snow reindeer, sitting on the ground, with sticks for antlers and a pretty red and green ribbon tied around each ones' neck. Susie was intending to take a picture of the snow figures and enter it in Mrs. Wormwood's annual snow sculpture contest. The winner got a shiny ribbon with a picture of a snowman on it. Susie had worked a long time on her snow Santa Claus and reindeer, and she was sure she would win. _Just one more award, and I can start a new award album,_ she thought pleasantly. She had kept an album of awards and good report cards since she was in preschool and it was full except for one page.

Susie just needed to put a few finishing touches on her sculpture and it was a shoe-in for first prize. As she approached the Santa, to sprinkle some silver glitter on his snowy beard, she noticed that the snow behind him was packed down looked disturbed. It had been flattened into a path. _Did I do that?_ She thought. She must have. Susie looked around, and there was no sign that anyone else had been in this area. She took the vial of glitter out of her coat pocket and twisted off the top. She looked around once more, to make sure that no one was watching her and pinched some glitter out of the vial. Then, with extreme precision, Susie moved her hand toward the snow beard, not wanting to spill any on the Santa's body. _Easy…easy…_ Susie told herself.

POW! A gloved hand shot out of the snow beard. Susie screamed and jerked her arm back, spilling the entire container of glitter in her hair. She watched in horror as her snow Santa that she had worked so hard on began to crack apart. Then suddenly, all the snow fell away, and she saw who it was, shaking the snow out of his hair. Calvin!

"Surprise, surprise, Susie!" he yelled, producing a squirt gun full of icy water! "Nice job covering the tracks, Hobbes!" said Calvin, as the snow bag of toys broke open, and a stuffed tiger flopped out. "I hope you like snow, Susie, because after I'm through with you, you'll be a Popsicle!" She turned to run away, and felt freezing water soak through the back of her jacket and onto her skin. Fueled by the sudden cold, Susie ran through the woods screaming, all the way back to her home. "You just wait, Calvin!" she yelled over her shoulder. "I'm gonna tell Santa on you!"

"You won't get away!" said Calvin, swinging his leg over the snow deer. "Hi, ho, Silver, away!" he commanded, as the snow deer collapsed from under him

"That was sweet!" Calvin guffawed, raising his hand so Hobbes could give him a high-five.

Hobbes sat up with snow in his mouth, after trying to consume one of the snow reindeer. "Yeah," he said jokingly. "But I can't say much about the taste of this antelope. It could use some steak sauce."

Later, Calvin and Hobbes sat in front of the TV, watching a Christmas special and recounting their successful mission. "A-an then," he laughed. "W-when I p-popped out of the snowman, and there was all that stupid girly glitter in her hair?"

"Uh-huh," said Hobbes, solemnly sipping at his hot chocolate. The prank was fun, although mean, but he couldn't seem to shake what Susie had said. The words still hung in his mind: _You just wait, Calvin! I'm gonna tell Santa on you! _ "Um, Calvin? Is Susie really going to tell Santa on us?"

"What?" said Calvin. "You have to be kidding, right? There's no way that Derkins is going to go out of her way to tell Santa on us. Her parents are too cheap to travel that far. Remember when they wouldn't buy my giant snowballs?"

"You mean the giant snowballs you were actually going to throw at her when she answered the door?" said Hobbes.

"Trust me," Calvin explained. "Susie Derkins traveling all the way to the North Pole, just to say, 'Mr. Santa Claus, Calvin scared me!' is absolute drivel. Besides, even if Santa knows what we did, we've more than made up for it in all the good things that we've done in the past, OK?"

"Uh..." Hobbes stuttered, remembering past incidents, like the Rubber Cement Incident, The Toilet Incident, and the Food Processor Incident.

"It's OK, Hobbes! Look, if you don't believe me, we'll go over there right now and look to see if they've booked a flight or something," Calvin said, tossing Hobbes his scarf. "Maybe THIS will show you how smart human beings are." Calvin buttoned his jacket and put on his snow hat. "Going to the North Pole! Crazy!" he muttered under his breath as they headed out the door.

The short walk to Susie's house would've been quiet, except for Calvin constantly saying how humans were indeed the dominant species and only a tiger would be capable of blowing an empty threat out of proportions. "Here we go," Calvin said when they finally reached the bush that they hid in for spying on Susie. To his surprise, Susie's car was out in her driveway. Her dad, wearing a big fuzzy hat with earflaps on the side was leaning on the hood of the station wagon.

"Come on, you two!" he called cheerfully to his wife and Susie, who were coming down the steps with a big duffel bag. "If we're going to make it to the North Pole, we need to hurry. We've got a long way to travel, you know."

The two spies' eyes grew wide with fear. "See, I told you!" hissed Hobbes. "Susie is going all the way to the North Pole to rat on us, and all we're getting is coal! I can't believe it! The first time I actually participate in one of your sick jokes, and I'm not getting any presents for it!"

"I can't believe it," murmured Calvin. "I…I was wrong for once!"

However, Calvin and Hobbes had greatly misinterpreted the situation. "The North Pole" was actually the name of a Christmas tree lot two towns away, run by Susie's uncle. He had the best trees for miles around, and being family, the Derkinses went every year to him for a Christmas tree. The big duffle bag was actually filled with bungee cords, so the tree could be hooked on top of the car.

Calvin and Hobbes, of course, zoomed home as fast as they could. Hobbes sat on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "My tuna. My new squirt gun. My coloring books. My glow-in-the-dark yo-yo. All gone! Just because of one stupid prank! My perfect feline behavior record has been spoiled!" Hobbes began to hit himself in the forehead with the heel of his hand, chanting "Stupid, stupid, stupid…."

"Will you quit your bellyaching!" said Calvin, who had been pacing the floor so long he would have probably worn a hole in it. "I'm a genius, remember? We'll just think of a plan. Our problem is that we need to reach Santa and persuade him that we've been good enough to give us presents. And we have to reach him before Susie does. So, what can we do?"

"Why don't we write him another letter?"

"Are you nuts? During this time, the mail services are clogged with gift lists and Christmas cards. It'd take ages for him to get it, and Susie would have been there and back by the time he did! Geez, tigers are dumb."

Hobbes got up and grabbed Calvin by the shirt. "Look, you! Tigers are NOT dumb, OK? They're graceful, intelligent, and really good-looking. And if you say it again, I swear I will throw you out of that window SO hard, you will land in Susie's car when she's passing through Canada! Then you can go to the North Pole and stay there as an extremely short elf that cleans up after reindeer!"

A smile spread across Calvin's face. "I just thought of an idea. Why don't we just go to the North Pole our own selves?"

"What?" said Hobbes. "How do we do that? I mean, we can't walk, and we can't fly, and we can't even travel through the mail."

"Yeah, it's a shame too. That box was actually sort of comfortable. But you're wrong. We'll just fly there in the sled."

"But our sled isn't magic! We can't even get through the woods without crashing it."

"Yeah, but we can use my transmogrifier to make it fly!" Calvin was already diving into the closet, slinging toys left and right. Hobbes narrowly missed being hit by a baseball bat. Finally, he exited the closet carrying out a cardboard box marked "Transmogrifier" with a dial on the side and a permanent magic marker. "See?" he said, writing something on it with the marker. "I'm going to write 'Magic Flying Sled' on it. Then, we'll just put it over the sled and poof! It's magic! It can fly! And the best part is, if there's someone we don't like, we'll change them into magic flying sleds as well and sell them at the full blue book price!"

"What exactly is the blue book price for a flying sled?" Hobbes asked, curious.

"One million smackers."

"I should've known."

Calvin brought the sled in off of the front steps and put it underneath the box. "Here goes nothing," said Hobbes, pushing the button. The box made a strange noise, and Calvin lifted it. Purple smoke curled out from under it, and when it cleared away, the sled looked the same except for two comical cardboard wings fastened to it. The two stared at it in silence for a minute. Finally, Hobbes said, "We're supposed to fly on THAT thing?"

"Uh, well," said Calvin, smiling nervously, not wanting to admit that his invention screwed up. "This is obviously, um, a cloaking device. Yeah, that's it. And as soon as we hit the air, I'll just press the 'launch' button, and _zoom_! Rocket boosters will pop out of the back and, uh"-

"There _is_ no button," interrupted Hobbes, clearly not impressed.

"I just have to draw it on," Calvin explained. Hobbes noticed that several beads of sweat were forming on his forehead.

"Admit it. Your transmogrifier is broken, and we're not getting squat for Christmas."

"No!" said Calvin. "No, it's not! Just wait! We'll go and test it with a snowman. Then you'll see!"

"Are you sure?" said Hobbes, almost wanting to believe him.

"Positive. The transmogrifier has never let me down before! And it shouldn't, either! I made it! Go pack your bags! We're going to see Santa!"

Hobbes sighed. "OK. I just hope you're right. Or it won't be a very merry Christmas…for both of us!" They took the sled back outdoors.

A moment later, Calvin and Hobbes walked out of their room each carrying a suitcase.

"Are you positive that your mom doesn't mind us using the new briefcases that your Mom was getting your Dad for Christmas?" Hobbes asked.

"Trust me. It's A-OK," Calvin answered. Then, under his breath, he added, "as long as she doesn't know."

"What was that?"

"Nothing." By this time, they were almost to the front door.

"Why don't we leave your Mom a note or something? We're going a really long way, you know," Hobbes pointed out.

"Oh, I forgot." Calvin dashed back into the kitchen, where his Mom was busy completing an order form for Christmas cards. They had decided to just buy some with pictures of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on the front, rather than put Calvin's picture on the cards, for obvious reasons. Calvin could hardly believe it took them so long to realize they'd easily save $10.00 on film if they just gave up.

"Are you going back out in the snow again?" his mother observed, staring at the layers of clothing he was wearing. "I think you have too much on."

Calvin said very rapidly, "Mom, Hobbes and I have decided to take a trip to the North Pole for real this time to beat Susie to it so that way we can convince him to give us presents instead of taking them all away because of a harmless practical joke that Susie misinterpreted. Bye, bye, I love you, be back before Christmas." He popped back into the hall and reunited with Hobbes at the door. "Hurry up before she figures out what I told her!" He grabbed Hobbes's paw and pulled him outdoors.

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO!

COMING SOON!


	4. Happy New Year!

* * *

New Year's Day 

Boots and furry paws crunched through the snow on December 31, 2004. "Hobbes," said Calvin, turning to his companion, "Do you know what day it is? It's New Year's Eve. You knew that, didn't you?"

"No, Calvin, I was temporarily blind this morning and missed all the announcements on the news, and all the advertisements, and all the people on TV playing Auld Lang Syne! I had no idea!"

"Ok, ok, I get your point. You know it's New Year's Eve," said Calvin, as he absentmindedly grabbed a tree branch as they passed beneath it. "So, do you know what we're going to do?"

"Um, probably play, watch TV, and then go to sleep."

"THAT'S RIGHT!" said Calvin, throwing his fist in the air. "GO TO SLEEP! AT 8:30! ON NEW YEAR'S EVE! There'll be no party, no noisemakers, no champagne! Do you know why?"

"Because you're only six?"

"Because I have the most boring parents in the world. They don't even stay up to watch the ball drop! How stupid is that?"

"Really, really, stupid?" Hobbes murmured, playing it safe and answering the question Calvin wanted to hear, instead of his original answer:"Not very, because you get cranky and have morning mouth when you stay up."

"That's right! So, as official Dictator-For-Life of G.R.O.S.S, I propose that we stay up until midnight like all the other normal, functioning families and PAR-TAY! EVERYONE stays up until midnight. I mean, the town might think we're monsters or something and come after us with pitchforks and torches, which would be kind of cool, if we were actually monsters..."

"We'll get caught."

"Not if we have a plan," said Calvin, with a devilish grin.

* * *

An hour later, Calvin and Hobbes sat up in their room, looking at a piece of sketchbook paper. 

"Is this going to take very long?" Hobbes wanted to know. "I want to go drink my hot chocolate and marshmallows. Is that too much to ask for an endangered species?"

"It will take a matter of minutes.Ok, here's phase one." Calvin pointed to a picture he had drawn with he and Hobbes tucked into bed. Each had one eye open and a mischevious grin on their face. "Here, we will go to bed at the regular time, and pretend to be asleep, until Mom and Dad go to bed, which leads us to phase two." He pointed to another picture, of he and Hobbes sneaking downstairs. "Then, we will sneak downstairs, which leads us to phase three: watch TV."

"Won't they hear us?"

"This is the new millenium, Hobbes! Everything has a headphone jack! We'll listen to the TV using headphones!"

"Do we have headphones?"

Calvin sat there for a minute. It was obvious he hadn't thought of that. "A-HA! Once again, your plan is full of holes."

"Nonsense.We just need to borrow headphones from someone."

"Who would have two pairs of headphones?"

"Hobbes," said Calvin, a serious look coming upon his face. "There is only one person in this neighborhood who would have two pairs of headphones. And that is..."

"Who? Tell me!"

"Susie Derkins."

**BUM BUM BUMMMMM!**

"Did you hear that?" said Hobbes.

"What?" said Calvin.

"That creepy music. It went-"

**BUM BUM BUMMMMM!**

"See? There it is again!"

"Oh. Well, whenever something scary happens, like us going to see Susie Derkins, they always have that-"

**BUM BUM BUMMMMM!**

"Ok, that's enough!" said Calvin, screaming at theceiling. "Come on, let's go borrow some headphones."

_Knock knockknock_

The Derkins' door creaked open. "Hello," said Mrs. Derkins. "May I help you?"

"Um, yes, we need to see Susie."

"Are you going to throw snowballs at her?"

"Um, no."

"Are you going to be mean?"

"No, ma'am."

"So, you're going to be nice to her?"

"No. I mean, yes! Wait!" Before Calvin could catch his mistake, Mrs. Derkins slammed the door. "Geez, why doesn't that woman work with the FBI or something? She's really good at interrogating."

"So, how are we going to get the headphones now?"

"We have to talk to Susie somehow. I have another idea."

"I don't think I should do this." Hobbes was sitting in a swing, holding tightly to the ropes. Above him,a single rope was tied to those two and swung over a tree in Susie's backyard.Calvin was holding the other end of the rope, to make some sort of pulley. "Breaking into Susie's room and stealing the headphones from her CD player and kareoke set seems really wrong."

"Look, you helped me cut the ropes off of her swing set, so you're already partly guilty. Why not go all the way, make a clean break?"

The tiger sighed. There was no arguing. "Ok, but so help me, if you let go of your rope while I'm in the air, I'm gonna kill you."

"You're safe with me.Here we go." Calvin pulled hard on the rope and Hobbes jerked up around three feet.

"Not so fast! Not so fast!"Hobbes hissed.

"Hey, do you want to wait until next year?" Hobbes braced himself, and he was up beside Susie's window in seconds.

"I can't get in!" he said. "The window's closed!"

"Hold on!" Calvin yelled from the ground. "Stay put! Heh heh." Calvin ran off.

"Where are you going? Come back!" Hobbes watched him run around to the front yard. In about a minute, he ran back around.

"Hobbes! Hold very still!"

"What are you doing? What's going on?" Hobbes said, trying hard not to fidget. He saw something large fly in front of him. Before his eyes, the window shattered. Broken glass went all over him. "Calvin, you moron!" The tiger climbed in the broken window, being careful not to cut himself on the shards of broken glass that stuck up like staglamites from the windowsill.He stared at the pink canopy bed, its covers speckled with tiny butterflies. A pink butterfly shaped rug was on the floor next to it. Stuffed animals and pictures of faires and other cute things adorned the room. "I'm going to be sick," he said.

Amid the sickening, girly, cuteness, he saw the CD player (also pink), protruding out from under a pile of dolls. Cautiously, he pulled it out, fearing he would be struck dead from the cooties any second. Hobbes pulled the headphones (Guess what color) from the jack and started to look for another pair. He opened the closet, and almost had a heart attack when the kareoke machine, which was propped against the door, fell on his foot. Hobbes reached in the box, and pulled out the second pair.

His tiger ears perked up and heard something terrifying: The sound of footsteps on the stairs. Susie! The headphones tight in his grip, Hobbes yelled "Geronimo!" and jumped out the window into the swing. Calvin, who was resting by the tree, wasn't expecting him and therefore had no time to grab the rope. The feline screamed as the swing plummeted earthward. "Got 'em!" he yelled when they reached the ground. "Hurry up! Let's get out of here!"

They didn't have time to see Susie's reaction as they dashed back to the house.

* * *

Location: Calvin's house 

Time- 8:30 P.M.

"Time for bed," said Calvin's mom. Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other with knowing glances. Tonight, they walked to their room without fussing or fighting about it. His mom tucked them in, and as soon as she left the room, Calvin pulled a clipboard out from under the sheets.

"Here's the checklist. Headphones?"

"Check."

"Watches syncronized?"

"Check".

"Ok. We're all set. All we have to do is wait for Mom and Dad to go to sleep, which should only be a couple minutes..."

Calvin's eyes snapped open. He fell asleep. So did Hobbes! He checked his watch and breathed a sigh of relief. Only 11:50. Well, at least they wouldn't have to wait as long.

"Hobbes! Wake up!"

"Huh? What?"

"We fell asleep! We almost wrecked the whole plan!"

"Oh yeah. I forgot." They got up and quietly snuck down the stairs.

"Well, here we are. So far, everything is going to plan.Just give me the headphones, and we'll be all set."

"Here ya go." Hobbes gave him the headphones and flopped down in the chair.

Here is where the problems started. Although Calvin was right in saying that alot of TVs and computers and stuff have places to hook headphones, he forgot that his TV was really old. It still had knobs for changing the channel. Thus, no headphones. "Great. Just great. Well, we only have one option."

"Go back to bed?" Hobbes yawned.

"No, you quitter. Watch it with the volume on a very low level." He turned the TV on to the channel. Then he sat in the chair with Hobbes. "Isn't this cool? For the first time ever, we're going to stay up until midnight!"

"Yeah. Sure."

Suddenly, they heard something. "Who has the TV on? Did you forget to turn it off?"

"No dear. Must be-"

"CALVIN! YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!"

Hobbes's eyes snapped open. "Busted!"

Footsteps. Coming down the stairs. Very fast.

"RUN, HOBBES, RUN!" Calvin and Hobbes bolted to the door. "It's locked!" said Calvin, jerking the knob. "Quick! I'll unlock the knob. You unlock the deadbolt."

"I can't! It's stuck!" Hobbes twisted the deadbolt lock.

"Twist harder!We're almost free." The lock popped loose just as Calvin's parent's came down the stairs. "Quickly! To the woods!"

"He's going outdoors!" his Mom said.

"I cannot believe that kid." his Dad commented.

"I can!"

Outdoors, Calvin and Hobbes managed to hide in the treehouse. "Do you think they'll look here?" Calvin whispered.

"Probably."

"I need to stop being so predictable. Hey!" Calvin glanced at the watch. "It's five seconds to New Year! Let's start the countdown!"

"FIVE"

"FOUR!"

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" the two friends shouted together, giving each other a hug.

"There he is!" said a voice.

"Up in the treehouse!" a flashlight beam hit Calvin in the face.

"Happy New Year, ol' buddy," Hobbes said.

"Yeah. Better run if you want to see the next one." Andour heroesbegan the first seconds of their New Year by running away from their parents, narrowly escaping trouble. Although...not for long.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!


	5. Down with Valentine's Day!

Author's note: This is my Valentine's Day story. As for the Christmas story, I know about the problem. I had just finished writing the final part. It was all finished. Everything was perfect. I hit the "save" button, and guess what? It didn't go through. So, rather than write every single thing again, I decided to just wait until this Christmas to finish it. (I'm sorry if I'm killing you all with the suspense!)Thanks for telling me, though. Also, thank you all for your kind reviews. -Sleepytiger541

-From the Desk of Calvin-

_Dear Journal,_

_Today was Valentine's Day. Blech! I HATE Valentine's Day! It's bad enough Mrs. Wormbrain is making us write in these stupid notebooks, but girls and boys falling in love with each other is NOT my idea of a decent holiday! This morning, Hobbes dressed up (he was wearing that stupid tie and bragging about it) in case a girl happened to see him. Dad wasn't too happy, though, because Hobbes used up all his cologne. _

_Before Mom and Dad got up, Hobbes and I rigged a trap in the mailbox in case Susie got it in her stupid head to give me a valentine. It was SWEET! When you open the door, a hammer cracks open this rotten egg I saved in a jar. Susie was smart enough not to come by, but you should've seen the mail man run! HAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_Dad gave Mom a dozen roses and some chocolate this morning. I guess the tradition of giving chocolates on Valentine's Day isn't so bad, but Mom only let me have one piece! ONE! Can you believe her? When we move out and get our own apartment, Hobbes and I aren't going to visit them in the home. _

_As usual, I wanted to give Susie some dead flowers and a card (I drew her as an elephant being devoured by a tiger). I didn't get a chance to go to the florist's today, but I went through the garbage and found some old coffee grounds and an eggshell. Close enough._

The six-year-old busied himself by drawing some pictures of dinosaurs and space slugs until Mrs. Wormwood came to pick up the notebooks. As she picked up Calvin's, she happened to glance at the page. "My, Calvin, you did write alot."

"What? Oh, yeah."

"I'm very impressed. You don't usually enjoy assignments this much."

"Uh, nope," said Calvin, staring at Susie across the room, wondering when she'd open up her Valentine's Day box to find the coffee grounds, card, and eggshell. He hadn't even bothered to put them in a plastic baggie this year.

"Calvin, would you mind if I read this journal entry to the class?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." It was customary in Mrs. Wormwood's class to read the top journal writer's entries aloud, with their permission of course. Calvin had no idea he'd unknowingly agreed as he watched Susie shake the valentine mail box up and down.

After Mrs. Wormwood had collected the other notebooks, she walked over to her podium. "OK, class. Now we're going to read the entries of the people who wrote the most. And remember, the three top writers in this class will get the special prize of a Valentine's Day lunch with the special girl or boy of their choice. The first winner is...Calvin!"

Calvin snapped to attention. His scalp tightened. Mrs. Wormwood couldn't read his entry aloud! He had called her Wormbrain, and his trick with Susiewould be revealed! Raising his hand, he pleaded, "Mrs, um, Mrs.Wormwood?"

"Now, now, Calvin, don't worry. There's nothing wrong with taking an interest in assignments!"

"But...but.."

"It's OK, dear. No one's going to make fun of you, right class?"

"Right, Mrs. Wormwood," they chirped, but a few of the kids narrowed their eyes at Calvin and smiled a smug smile. Calvin gulped.

"'Dear Journal'", Mrs. Wormwood began...

After the torture was over, half the kids in class were gasping at Calvin's nerve and the other half were having convulsions of laughter at Calvin's friendship with Hobbes. Mrs. Wormwood had given him detention because of the Wormbrain crack, but still allowed him to keep the prize of the Valentine's Day lunch.

Calvin, meanwhile, was standing in his chair, yelling, "That's right, go ahead and laugh! He'll tear you limb from limb!"

Susie was, as you can guess, very angry about his Valentine's Day present and, unnoticed, because of all the commotion, had thrown the garbage at him, so coffee grounds were stuck in his hair, which made him look even more ridiculous.

"Quiet,everyone, quiet!" Mrs Wormwood said, trying to restore order. No one made even the slightest effort to shut up. Mrs. Wormwood put two fingers in her mouth and blew hard.

_Pheeeeeeeetttt!_ The shrill whistle cut through the air like a knife. Everyone paused inmidsentance and turned in her direction.

"I said 'Quiet'", Mrs. Wormwood repeated, trying to keep a cool head, even though her only impulse was to pop a few stress relievers. "And when I say to quiet down, you had better, or else there will be no recess for an entire week. Is that understood?"

The children's heads bobbled up and down like those little plastic dogs people put in their cars. "Now," said Mrs. Wormwood, resuming her usual attitude, "Calvin was just about to pick who he wanted to have the Valentine lunch with. Well, who will it be, Calvin?" She asked, mantaining the calm in her voice, even though she felt like taking away the prize from her least-favorite student.

Calvin stared out at the classroom. He didn't want to pick anybody. He hated girls. Maybe he could get Hobbes down here...

"I bet he's going to pick Susie," whispered an annoying little girl who sat in the front row.

Calvin, overcome by shock, sputtered out, "SUSIE?" Hadn't he made it clear that he hated her? All his jokes and pranks against her, and people actually thought that he liked that chowderhead?

"Susie it is, then," Mrs. Wormwood said, surprised that he chose Susie.

Calvin felt like he wanted to throw up.

LUNCH:

Susie stared across the table at him with narrowed eyes. Then, in her angriest voice, she growled, "Pass the salt."

Calvin did, taken aback that such a girly girl could sound so mad. Quietly, he bit into his sandwich and chewed, stewing in his own misfortune. _Susie. I just had to say it. Susie. This is the worst Valentine's Day ever. _

"So," said Susie, "Why did you pick me? Do you like me?" At the mention of this, her eyes widened, and she seemed very less angry than she had sounded only seconds before.

"What? No!" Calvin yelled, nearly inhaling his food.

"Yeah, sure. Like all the tricks you played since I came here meant that you hated me! Ha!"

"Yes!" yelled Calvin, slamming his fist down on the table so fiercely that it made the silverware jump.

"Just as I thought. Denial. Well, you never were that smart, were you, Calvin?"

"How dare you offend me! I am a genius!"

"Look, Calvin, you don't need to act all mean and stuff to get my attention. Just say that you like me!"

"I don't! I don't, you stupid embisile! I despise you!"

"Come on. I know you do."

Why couldn't she understand? The last thing he wanted to do was even act courteously toward that scumbag! Out of frustration, Calvin got up and ran out the door to the playground, hoping for a retreat from all this.

Unfortunately for him, the playground was the last place he should have gone. Moe was playing foursquare outside the door with some of his friends. Correction: He was actually scaring the kids who were playing foursquare off so he could take the ball. At Calvin's arrival, he stopped torturing them, though. As a matter of fact, everyone on the playground turned to look at him. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the little loverboy!" Even Moe's victim's laughed.

"Hey! I am not! I hate Susie!"

"Yeah, sure you do, Twinky! Did you kiss her?"

"No, you stupid moron, because I HATE Susie!"

Apparently, Moe did not like being called a stupid moron, because he went over and picked Calvin up by his collar. That was the last thing he remembered, aside for all of the kids bursting into a rousing round of "Calvin and Su-sie, sittin' in a tree...". He woke up facedown in the sandbox.

Calvin knocked the dirt off of his clothes and looked around. The playground was as vacant as a ghost town. They were all inside, certainly, laughing at his expense. And Susie was probably spreading the news. He sat there in the sandbox for a minute longer, and then went inside. Just as he was going in, the bell rang, and he rushed to get his stuff, but it was too late. He missed the bus.

Forced to walk home, he strapped the bookbag onto his shoulders and heading down the sidewalk, dragging his feet. Rain started to fall.

He gripped the doorknob and opened the door, bracing himself for being pounced on. Nothing. Carefully, he looked in the doorway. "Hobbes?"

"Hello!" Hobbes was standing behind him, and he pounced on him from the opposite direction.

"What was that for?"

"The element of surprise. Come on, let's go!" Hobbes ran up the stairs.

"What is it?" Calvin asked, but followed Hobbes to his room anyway.

"Ta-da!" the tiger said. It was a huge box of chocolates, sitting on his bed. "It's from your Mom."

"Cool!" Calvin jumped on the bed and pulled the lid off, suprised to find they were all there. "You didn't eat any."

"No, I ate the one from your Dad," said Hobbes. He pulled out some candy hearts. "Here's your present from me."

"Wow, thanks! But I didn't get you anything."

"Oh. Could I have some of those chocolates, then?"

"Yeah, why not?" Calvin laughed. They sat on the bed eating the candy and reading a comic book. _You know, maybe this Valentine's Day wasn't so bad after all, _he thought.


	6. The April Idiots

This is the first part of my latest fan fiction. I'm going to write a story for every major holiday, like Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter. It's going to start with Christmas and end with Thanksgiving of the next year. Yeah, I know that right now it's closer to Thanksgiving than Christmas, but I already have a story imagined for Christmas, and not Thanksgiving. Anyway, I hope to make lesser mistakes than I did in the process of beginning _Mission Sugar Rush_ (I'm really sorry for the delay on that, but I'm having some writer's block on what should happen next.) I hope you enjoy this and all my other stories to come, because I certainly enjoy writing them. Now, on with my story!

_Sleepytiger541_

The snow gently fell outdoors as Susie Derkins followed her old footprints to the clearing where she had made her snowman. It was at the base of the a tall hill, and she knew it wasn't wise to build it there, because Calvin might come out and terrorize her, but as far as she knew, he wasn't out today and there was something peaceful about the clearing that attracted her.

The clearing was surrounded by beautiful evergreens, whose stunning green branches were covered with powdery snow. This alone made the whole place feel so Christmasy. Christmas! It was only in a week, and Susie had been good all year. She hoped that she got the Sweet Sparkly Princess Doll, which was on every girl's list. Susie closed her eyes and tried to imagine the doll, which came with three sparkly pastel dresses and nearly thirty other accessories.

Now she was there, in the clearing with her snowman. It was probably the best she had ever done. The snowman wasn't just a snowman, but a Santa snowman, which was sitting beside a snow bag of snow toys. To the left of the snow Santa were three snow reindeer, sitting on the ground, with sticks for antlers and a pretty red and green ribbon tied around each ones' neck. Susie was intending to take a picture of the snow figures and enter it in Mrs. Wormwood's annual snow sculpture contest. The winner got a shiny ribbon with a picture of a snowman on it. Susie had worked a long time on her snow Santa Claus and reindeer, and she was sure she would win. _Just one more award, and I can start a new award album,_ she thought pleasantly. She had kept an album of awards and good report cards since she was in preschool and it was full except for one page.

Susie just needed to put a few finishing touches on her sculpture and it was a shoe-in for first prize. As she approached the Santa, to sprinkle some silver glitter on his snowy beard, she noticed that the snow behind him was packed down looked disturbed. It had been flattened into a path. _Did I do that?_ She thought. She must have. Susie looked around, and there was no sign that anyone else had been in this area. She took the vial of glitter out of her coat pocket and twisted off the top. She looked around once more, to make sure that no one was watching her and pinched some glitter out of the vial. Then, with extreme precision, Susie moved her hand toward the snow beard, not wanting to spill any on the Santa's body. _Easy…easy…_ Susie told herself.

POW! A gloved hand shot out of the snow beard. Susie screamed and jerked her arm back, spilling the entire container of glitter in her hair. She watched in horror as her snow Santa that she had worked so hard on began to crack apart. Then suddenly, all the snow fell away, and she saw who it was, shaking the snow out of his hair. Calvin!

"Surprise, surprise, Susie!" he yelled, producing a squirt gun full of icy water! "Nice job covering the tracks, Hobbes!" said Calvin, as the snow bag of toys broke open, and a stuffed tiger flopped out. "I hope you like snow, Susie, because after I'm through with you, you'll be a Popsicle!" She turned to run away, and felt freezing water soak through the back of her jacket and onto her skin. Fueled by the sudden cold, Susie ran through the woods screaming, all the way back to her home. "You just wait, Calvin!" she yelled over her shoulder. "I'm gonna tell Santa on you!"

"You won't get away!" said Calvin, swinging his leg over the snow deer. "Hi, ho, Silver, away!" he commanded, as the snow deer collapsed from under him

"That was sweet!" Calvin guffawed, raising his hand so Hobbes could give him a high-five.

Hobbes sat up with snow in his mouth, after trying to consume one of the snow reindeer. "Yeah," he said jokingly. "But I can't say much about the taste of this antelope. It could use some steak sauce."

Later, Calvin and Hobbes sat in front of the TV, watching a Christmas special and recounting their successful mission. "A-an then," he laughed. "W-when I p-popped out of the snowman, and there was all that stupid girly glitter in her hair?"

"Uh-huh," said Hobbes, solemnly sipping at his hot chocolate. The prank was fun, although mean, but he couldn't seem to shake what Susie had said. The words still hung in his mind: _You just wait, Calvin! I'm gonna tell Santa on you! _ "Um, Calvin? Is Susie really going to tell Santa on us?"

"What?" said Calvin. "You have to be kidding, right? There's no way that Derkins is going to go out of her way to tell Santa on us. Her parents are too cheap to travel that far. Remember when they wouldn't buy my giant snowballs?"

"You mean the giant snowballs you were actually going to throw at her when she answered the door?" said Hobbes.

"Trust me," Calvin explained. "Susie Derkins traveling all the way to the North Pole, just to say, 'Mr. Santa Claus, Calvin scared me!' is absolute drivel. Besides, even if Santa knows what we did, we've more than made up for it in all the good things that we've done in the past, OK?"

"Uh..." Hobbes stuttered, remembering past incidents, like the Rubber Cement Incident, The Toilet Incident, and the Food Processor Incident.

"It's OK, Hobbes! Look, if you don't believe me, we'll go over there right now and look to see if they've booked a flight or something," Calvin said, tossing Hobbes his scarf. "Maybe THIS will show you how smart human beings are." Calvin buttoned his jacket and put on his snow hat. "Going to the North Pole! Crazy!" he muttered under his breath as they headed out the door.

The short walk to Susie's house would've been quiet, except for Calvin constantly saying how humans were indeed the dominant species and only a tiger would be capable of blowing an empty threat out of proportions. "Here we go," Calvin said when they finally reached the bush that they hid in for spying on Susie. To his surprise, Susie's car was out in her driveway. Her dad, wearing a big fuzzy hat with earflaps on the side was leaning on the hood of the station wagon.

"Come on, you two!" he called cheerfully to his wife and Susie, who were coming down the steps with a big duffel bag. "If we're going to make it to the North Pole, we need to hurry. We've got a long way to travel, you know."

The two spies' eyes grew wide with fear. "See, I told you!" hissed Hobbes. "Susie is going all the way to the North Pole to rat on us, and all we're getting is coal! I can't believe it! The first time I actually participate in one of your sick jokes, and I'm not getting any presents for it!"

"I can't believe it," murmured Calvin. "I…I was wrong for once!"

However, Calvin and Hobbes had greatly misinterpreted the situation. "The North Pole" was actually the name of a Christmas tree lot two towns away, run by Susie's uncle. He had the best trees for miles around, and being family, the Derkinses went every year to him for a Christmas tree. The big duffle bag was actually filled with bungee cords, so the tree could be hooked on top of the car.

Calvin and Hobbes, of course, zoomed home as fast as they could. Hobbes sat on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "My tuna. My new squirt gun. My coloring books. My glow-in-the-dark yo-yo. All gone! Just because of one stupid prank! My perfect feline behavior record has been spoiled!" Hobbes began to hit himself in the forehead with the heel of his hand, chanting "Stupid, stupid, stupid…."

"Will you quit your bellyaching!" said Calvin, who had been pacing the floor so long he would have probably worn a hole in it. "I'm a genius, remember? We'll just think of a plan. Our problem is that we need to reach Santa and persuade him that we've been good enough to give us presents. And we have to reach him before Susie does. So, what can we do?"

"Why don't we write him another letter?"

"Are you nuts? During this time, the mail services are clogged with gift lists and Christmas cards. It'd take ages for him to get it, and Susie would have been there and back by the time he did! Geez, tigers are dumb."

Hobbes got up and grabbed Calvin by the shirt. "Look, you! Tigers are NOT dumb, OK? They're graceful, intelligent, and really good-looking. And if you say it again, I swear I will throw you out of that window SO hard, you will land in Susie's car when she's passing through Canada! Then you can go to the North Pole and stay there as an extremely short elf that cleans up after reindeer!"

A smile spread across Calvin's face. "I just thought of an idea. Why don't we just go to the North Pole our own selves?"

"What?" said Hobbes. "How do we do that? I mean, we can't walk, and we can't fly, and we can't even travel through the mail."

"Yeah, it's a shame too. That box was actually sort of comfortable. But you're wrong. We'll just fly there in the sled."

"But our sled isn't magic! We can't even get through the woods without crashing it."

"Yeah, but we can use my transmogrifier to make it fly!" Calvin was already diving into the closet, slinging toys left and right. Hobbes narrowly missed being hit by a baseball bat. Finally, he exited the closet carrying out a cardboard box marked "Transmogrifier" with a dial on the side and a permanent magic marker. "See?" he said, writing something on it with the marker. "I'm going to write 'Magic Flying Sled' on it. Then, we'll just put it over the sled and poof! It's magic! It can fly! And the best part is, if there's someone we don't like, we'll change them into magic flying sleds as well and sell them at the full blue book price!"

"What exactly is the blue book price for a flying sled?" Hobbes asked, curious.

"One million smackers."

"I should've known."

Calvin brought the sled in off of the front steps and put it underneath the box. "Here goes nothing," said Hobbes, pushing the button. The box made a strange noise, and Calvin lifted it. Purple smoke curled out from under it, and when it cleared away, the sled looked the same except for two comical cardboard wings fastened to it. The two stared at it in silence for a minute. Finally, Hobbes said, "We're supposed to fly on THAT thing?"

"Uh, well," said Calvin, smiling nervously, not wanting to admit that his invention screwed up. "This is obviously, um, a cloaking device. Yeah, that's it. And as soon as we hit the air, I'll just press the 'launch' button, and _zoom_! Rocket boosters will pop out of the back and, uh"-

"There _is_ no button," interrupted Hobbes, clearly not impressed.

"I just have to draw it on," Calvin explained. Hobbes noticed that several beads of sweat were forming on his forehead.

"Admit it. Your transmogrifier is broken, and we're not getting squat for Christmas."

"No!" said Calvin. "No, it's not! Just wait! We'll go and test it with a snowman. Then you'll see!"

"Are you sure?" said Hobbes, almost wanting to believe him.

"Positive. The transmogrifier has never let me down before! And it shouldn't, either! I made it! Go pack your bags! We're going to see Santa!"

Hobbes sighed. "OK. I just hope you're right. Or it won't be a very merry Christmas…for both of us!" They took the sled back outdoors.

A moment later, Calvin and Hobbes walked out of their room each carrying a suitcase.

"Are you positive that your mom doesn't mind us using the new briefcases that your Mom was getting your Dad for Christmas?" Hobbes asked.

"Trust me. It's A-OK," Calvin answered. Then, under his breath, he added, "as long as she doesn't know."

"What was that?"

"Nothing." By this time, they were almost to the front door.

"Why don't we leave your Mom a note or something? We're going a really long way, you know," Hobbes pointed out.

"Oh, I forgot." Calvin dashed back into the kitchen, where his Mom was busy completing an order form for Christmas cards. They had decided to just buy some with pictures of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on the front, rather than put Calvin's picture on the cards, for obvious reasons. Calvin could hardly believe it took them so long to realize they'd easily save 10.00 on film if they just gave up.

"Are you going back out in the snow again?" his mother observed, staring at the layers of clothing he was wearing. "I think you have too much on."

Calvin said very rapidly, "Mom, Hobbes and I have decided to take a trip to the North Pole for real this time to beat Susie to it so that way we can convince him to give us presents instead of taking them all away because of a harmless practical joke that Susie misinterpreted. Bye, bye, I love you, be back before Christmas." He popped back into the hall and reunited with Hobbes at the door. "Hurry up before she figures out what I told her!" He grabbed Hobbes's paw and pulled him outdoors.

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO!

COMING SOON!


End file.
